6 Tips to Prevent Temper Tantrums for Children with Autism
6 (Final) Tips to Prevent Temper Tantrums for Children with Autism
(Proactive Strategies 12-18!)
Tantrum behaviors occur when a person can no longer regulate strong emotion(s). In a tantrum state, logic ceases to motivate behavior, and the person "hulks out." They act on overwhelming fear and run for the hills. They act on overwhelming frustration and scream, kick, and hit. They may be so overcome by sadness they openly weep in a public space.
No amount of coaching or rationale will work until the tantrum subsides. Once we’ve entered a full-blown tantrum state, all we can do is stay safe and wait for the emotions to subside.
So! In order to prevent a tantrum, we're going to implement strategies that prevent your child from "hulking out." Our tantrum behavior intervention plan (c. Tantrum B.I.P.) has 18 proactive strategies, and in this entry we’re going to review #7-12. While these strategies vary, each of them unite under the mantra, "don't let the pot boil over." Our goal is to prevent your child from "hulking out." Calm the volcano before it erupts. Help the waters come and go without breaking the dam and flooding all over.
These strategies will not magically guarantee success 365 days per year, but if you take these steps, you may cultivate the optimal environment for your child to process frustration and avoid resorting to a full-fledged tantrum!
13. Frame Consequences.
Do not turn their behavior into a competition or take it personally. Your child may be about to "hulk" out. It isn't time to talk about respect or what they should do. Tell them clearly what will happen if they choose an appropriate path, and what will happen if they become disruptive or harmful. Keep it simple.
14. Intervene to prevent triggers & stacking stressors*.
Have you ever been in the middle of something and told others, "now is not the time!" That's where your child is. They may be on the verge of erupting. Keep them in control by batting away stressors and triggers that may come their way. Cross the street, leave the room with the shouting kids. Keep your child in a threshold they can manage by preventing overwhelming them.
15. Individualize demands*.
You know your child. If they refuse to taste a new food, it makes no sense to serve them a full plate and expect them to eat it. If they struggle to sit for 10 seconds, don't instruct them to sit for an hour long activity! Individualize your demands. Find what they can manage, and exercise there, increasing gradually.
16. Have a plan ready in your current setting.
Parents know things can go sideways at any time. Know your behavior plan and be prepared in every setting. Whether it means you cool down under the shade on the sidewalk, move quickly back to the car, find a quiet corner, or transition them to uncle's spare room, have a plan in place that you're ready to implement in the event that you can't prevent a tantrum.
17. Assure them they are safe.
When I "translate" what my clients are communicating in a tantrum, I hear cries and flailing limbs as, "I am not ok! This is not ok! Nothing is ok! The world is ending! There is no good anywhere and never will be again!!!!"
As my kiddo's escalate, I remind them, "you are safe. I am here. We will be ok eventually. Nothing will hurt you." Remind them, with body language, tone, and gentility, that there is no need for despair, no matter what is going on right now.
18. "Out of Sight, Out of Mind."
If something is not available and it’s causing frustration, remove it from sight. If your child is screaming about getting more cookies, put the cookies away in a cupboard, or move to another room. If they are screaming in the toy aisle, get out of sight from the toys as soon as possible. If they were mad at another child, get some distance between them. Seeing the thing that made them mad can sustain frustration.
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* TIP: ... unless it is a natural consequence or circumstance! Tips 14 & 15 are not an excuse to pardon your child from all consequences and all natural boundaries. If they've seen someone else's ice cream and want to take it, enforce the boundary. If they stole a game piece and will tantrum without it, enforce the boundary.